Total Pageviews

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Summer Blog Challenge Day 40

**What is the hardest challenge you have been faced with?**

This is a really deep topic for my little fun blog, but here goes.

I would say that my greatest challenge has been a life-long fight for believe that I deserve to live.  At age eight, my entire life dramatically changed.  I lost all semblance of stability, safety, and personal boundaries.  As a result, I felt entirely worthless and unwanted.  This all came to a head during my junior and senior years of high school.  I ended up in a juvenile ward for cutting, got out, got kicked out of my mother's home just before my senior year started, moved in with my biological father whom I hadn't seen in nine years in a town 200+ miles away, witnessed a domestic violence incident between my biological father and his wife, moved again to live with my Grandparents, and then attempted suicide. 

Ultimately, the suicide attempt woke me up to reality.  I had an excellent therapist who really figured me out and said what I needed to hear.  In addition to the therapist's wisdom, the devastation to my Grandparents showed me what a selfish act suicide is.  Nothing that had caused me pain was caused by them; to the contrary, they were the only stable influence I had growing up.  Yet, when I was in the hospital for the suicide attempt, my grandparents came regularly (over 200 mile trip one way) because they loved me. 

I kept working on my "issues"--such an overused term.  I was so lucky to meet an amazing man who has continued to help me see that I am worth so much more than I sometimes believe.  He has provided all of the safety and unconditional love that wasn't a normal part of my childhood.  Before my Grandmother died, she said she was so happy I had found Trevor because he provided the stability I had always needed. 

I promised both my Grandparents and Trevor that no matter how bad things got, I would never attempt to kill myself again.  I take that vow seriously.  The good news is that I haven't felt that desperation for years and years. 

Like I said...a bit deep and depressing...I really need to come up with some perky stuff to put on the blog to overcome this moroseness!

Take care of you!


  1. Thanks for sharing such a personal issue. I hope you don't mind me saying, but God offers His unconditional love too.

  2. Depression and suicide is something that so many people sweep under the rug. Thanks for having the courage to talk about it.

    1. Thank you for reading! Depression and suicide is something that we don't want to "dwell" on, but it needs to NOT be a "taboo" topic. The only way to fight depression and suicide is to have open conversations about it.