**What is the hardest challenge you have been faced with?**
This is a really deep topic for my little fun blog, but here goes.
I would say that my greatest challenge has been a life-long fight for self-esteem...to believe that I deserve to live. At age eight, my entire life dramatically changed. I lost all semblance of stability, safety, and personal boundaries. As a result, I felt entirely worthless and unwanted. This all came to a head during my junior and senior years of high school. I ended up in a juvenile ward for cutting, got out, got kicked out of my mother's home just before my senior year started, moved in with my biological father whom I hadn't seen in nine years in a town 200+ miles away, witnessed a domestic violence incident between my biological father and his wife, moved again to live with my Grandparents, and then attempted suicide.
Ultimately, the suicide attempt woke me up to reality. I had an excellent therapist who really figured me out and said what I needed to hear. In addition to the therapist's wisdom, the devastation to my Grandparents showed me what a selfish act suicide is. Nothing that had caused me pain was caused by them; to the contrary, they were the only stable influence I had growing up. Yet, when I was in the hospital for the suicide attempt, my grandparents came regularly (over 200 mile trip one way) because they loved me.
I kept working on my "issues"--such an overused term. I was so lucky to meet an amazing man who has continued to help me see that I am worth so much more than I sometimes believe. He has provided all of the safety and unconditional love that wasn't a normal part of my childhood. Before my Grandmother died, she said she was so happy I had found Trevor because he provided the stability I had always needed.
I promised both my Grandparents and Trevor that no matter how bad things got, I would never attempt to kill myself again. I take that vow seriously. The good news is that I haven't felt that desperation for years and years.
Like I said...a bit deep and depressing...I really need to come up with some perky stuff to put on the blog to overcome this moroseness!
Take care of you!